Before you know it, infidelity, separation, or, ultimately, divorce will seem like the only answer. If you are insensitive to loved ones or manipulate others, you are selfish.
If you get extremely angry when everything doesn’t go as you want it to, you are selfish.
If you exaggerate yourself of importance and seek sole attention upon yourself, you are selfish.
If you have a strong sense of entitlement, and turn all conversations on yourself, you are selfish.
If you use others to get what you want and use them to get what you want, you are selfish.
If you are arrogant, lack empathy, continue to talk about yourself only, you are selfish.
Watch for some of the above traits – there is help. In the meantime, you keep the relationship balanced by reducing the tension.
Preferably, before you seal the vows, simply return his/her behavior back in a calm way. You give what you get and he or she gets what they give.
In this way, you won’t become resentful by not having your unselfish behavior returned. They have been enabled by friends and loved ones over the years who have contributed to their blown-up ego and self-worth.
However, if you can identify that you are selfish he selfish one, then you have a choice to make.
Pope John Paul II said “The great danger for family life, in the midst of any society whose idols are pleasure, comfort, and independence, lies in the fact that people close their hearts and become selfish.” Selfishness has actually been defined as the number one enemy in a marriage, and quite possibly in life. Marriage, by its own definition, is a joining of two.
How could it succeed if one considers it to be all about “me”, rather than “we.” Most people consider marriage a Sacrament blessed by Our Lord and is considered extremely sacred by people of all faiths.
Many churches believe that the flow of love between a husband and wife should model the love between God the Father and His Son, Jesus Christ.
Any committed relationship, where one person is selfish, and the other is selfless, will eventually be doomed.
How can it succeed when one is continually thinking “What can we do to make sure I am happy!
I have yet to see anyone successfully change someone else. Balance now becomes acceptance of how a person is, faults and all. If both are can find the pure joy in giving to the one you love, the quality of your marriage will improve.
Many of us enter into the institution of marriage with high hopes of our dreams coming true with the person we have chosen. Chad Hymas “In the years that I have been in this organization, I have never seen a standing ovation given to one of our speakers.
It’s tough to impress or to move this group and when I saw the spontaneous eruption of applause while everyone got to their feet; I knew I was seeing something very special.”“We do this particular kickoff event as a team each year and have done so for the last five years.
Without exception everyone said taht your part of the meeting had the most positive effect on them of any session or speaker we ever had.”“Wow what a powerful presentation!
I had one of our powerful CEO’s approach me and say, “I haven’t cried in 25 years..”, and i was balling like a baby.
” They develop a sense of superiority and pride, which blocks their willingness to give.
The one who is doing all the giving will get tired of exactly that – always giving.
They will become angry and hurt; they feel more like an object, rather than one being considered worthy of being loved.
Sadness will be followed by feelings of anger and resentment.
They might look for someone to validate their feelings and give them some self-worth.
In my profession, I have the privielege of listening to and entertaining some of the best speakers around. Thank You for being a real life hero.”“In the past 10 years we have had a variety of safety professionals address our employees; however, no one has made such a lasting impression as you did in 90 short minutes.
- Previously, parents quickly taught their children the importance of sharing and considering others’ needs before their own.
They expected their offspring to submissively sacrifice incongruent desires and wishes.
Parents did not tolerate selfishness from anyone at anytime.
Then came the millennials, also called the me generation.
Change your ways by correcting this negative trait.
If you truly love your spouse or significant other, and can put their happiness above your own, then you can correct this character flaw through a lot of hard work.
A person can change – if he truly wants to; if your spouse truly loves you and wants to keep you, an honest effort to change will occur.
That’s why it is so important to spend a lot of time with your loved one before you enter the marriage.
You must give yourself time to discover as much as you can about the person you want to spend the rest of your life with Remember, a person has to want to change in order to make a change.